Spiritual preparation

Every semester is a chance to set right what is wrong. It is grace. Grace to start anew. 2012 arrived in such a flash that I hardly had time to reflect. Lessons learnt and things to set right. Right now, my desk is still in a mess, but I thank God that after YF yesterday, prayer, and through today, He's graced me with the resolve to put away the games. I've uninstalled steam. (Not yet on my desktop though. It's too late to turn on my desktop now. But I'm writing this here and I will get to it tomorrow.)

I was just thinking and reflecting while doing carpark duty today. I remember hearing a sermon directed at brothers / males / guys in the US. There's this bit where the pastor spoke about men that refuse to grow up. About a research which showed that alot of men still played games up to the age of 30+. Video games that is. 2 years on, and this is a rebuke to me. Look, there's nothing wrong with playing video games. We all know that. It's your heart attitude towards it. Look, I think it's time I stop looking at others and using them as my excuse and standard. I guess secretly, at the back of my mind, I take comfort in that some of my peers / brothers and sisters in Christ still play com games. I don't judge or condemn them, but have I used them as my excuse to idle my time away? Am I looking to them? Or to Christ?

At the point of writing, I still have not resolved to terminate my steam account. I have resolved to uninstall it though. Looking ahead at the responsibilities laid out before me, I know I am going to run out of time. If I persist in using time my way. I know, that there are little pockets of time I can save up, little perks that I can deny myself, in order to spend a little more time praying, a little more time in the quiet, a little more time reading the bible, a little more time at home, a little more time thinking about ministry. I know that if I can discipline myself to exercise instead of gaming, it would be an efficient use of time, which trains my body to labour better in the long run and to train for IPPT. I know that if I can discipline myself to study at home, I can spend more time with my parents. If I'm going to do this and that for the Lord, then it outta mean less time for myself. Well, I don't mean compartmentalising my life. I know that I can glorify God, no matter what I do, even in eating and drinking.. Yea.. but I do feel that I am neglecting some of my responsibilities. I need to pay more attention to them, especially with increased responsibilities this year. Fatigue is the price I have to pay. To labour to the point of exhaustion. I do feel this is training in advance for parenthood and being a husband. So that when I come home from work next time, I will not think that I deserve rest, prop my legs up on the table and demand to be served by my wife and kids. No. Everywhere is a mission field. Where then is the rest? I guess the earliest that'll arrive is eternity. For now, there outta be no such thing as burnout. Just burned up. Burned up completely as a living sacrifice.

Look, by now, I know myself all too well. I've written strongly, with firm words. I do not even begin to judge myself whether these are my honest words or some other intentions lie beneath. I do not trust myself. I do not even guarantee that 10 years down the road I will be any closer to what I am writing now. But perhaps this one thing I am a little more sure of, that is I must run the race that is set before me. Perhaps the race that is set before me requires disciplining myself this way. Requires limiting myself this way. Let me then, look to Christ Jesus and not to others or the easier track of others. I will fail along the way. I am not certain, but this I am certain, that the Lord is my guide and my provider. The way He answers prayers and graces our lives... Far too amazing for me to describe. Readers, when I fail, or perhaps fail far worse than you can ever imagine. Should that surprise you? I am mere man. There is but breath in me. Look then, not to me, but to Christ. Look to the truth. Not a stroke of it will pass away. God's truth is secure, sure and He Himself is faithful. He cannot deny Himself. All that has been revealed to us (in Scripture), go do it.