I know You have never left.

For the past few weeks, I have been constantly blessed with company. Studying, dining. Never short of them. They have been a source of thanksgivings during my mealtimes. It's quite different to be dining alone.

Having a little quiet moment this evening. Looking back, alone times and solitude have been the times when I've been the strongest and weakest. Since young, before I came to know Christ, I never quite knew how to deal with loneliness. It's an irony. And it's no surprise, because sin clouds our reasoning. I desired company so badly, that when company arrived, I would do everything out of self-serving motives. Disturbing, provoking to anger, pranking, taking sides, belittling, etc... I would do the very thing that would drive company away, even though I desired them so badly. And I was enslaved to that. My world was completely changed when Christ came into the picture. There is nothing quite like it. I cannot describe it altogether. Everytime I recount my testimony, I'm sure I left out something unsaid. It just blew me away. It was as though I was given new eyes, new lenses. Suddenly, the world around me was coloured very differently and I was re-wired deep inside.

I may sound confused here, but that's how it is. I still don't quite like to be alone. I certainly hope that will not be the case for the rest of my life. However, alone times have also brought me great joy and focus on God. There's nothing quite like retreating away from the noisiness and letting the truth of God's word sink into your heart. There's nothing quite like a quiet walk, observing the intricate details of the beauty that God has built into the world. It has also brought a lot of times of healthy introspection: self-reflection and repentance. It is when the consciousness of the presence of God dawns heaviest upon me. 

I'm going to end with this, because this was the thought that sparked this whole string of thought. Alone times also brought great moments of prayer and sobriety. Sometimes, the consciousness of the presence of God gets drowned out in all the joking and work. I don't mean that they are contrary. But perhaps the time factor is where it lies. We have filled our schedule with too much stuff that we have neglected our times alone with God. Doing too much, talking too much, joking too much, and cutting down times of self-reflection and prayer. Sure, we may still be doing it but with the least of earnestness, replaced by a new wave of drudgery. The unsettled feeling, the desire to get on with the next task. Perilous disease. Detrimental. So, back to basics isn't it? Nothing too complicated. There's no magic.

"1 Peter 4:7 The end of all things is near; therefore, be of sound judgment and sober spirit for the purpose of prayer."

Soberness. Yes, soberness.

Thank You for answering my prayer.