a reflection on numbers 33:50-56

and i found a horrendous thing. Look, even this word "horrendous", im using merely intellectually, because I know it is horrendous. I found in me, no pain or discomfort of any sort, at least not that of "barbs in the eyes and thorns in the sides". Not the level of pain that will drive me to remove it. I need to plead for this tender conscience to be restored...