O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
v16
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
I am writing this in retrospect. Somewhat like what we've recently studied in Numbers 33, when Moses listed the summary of their journeying. Each place held a particular significance to that generation and likewise, their descendants used that as an object lesson to teach their young of the former mistakes committed through the documented journey. Perhaps some use of this entry might be to warn other fellow brethren, but chiefly, for myself.
It has been almost a year. I learnt alot of lessons from that experience. But today, I just about heard the most concise summary of it all. "He who loves his life loses it..." John 12:25. "Stare long and hard at that thing you love. Yes, THAT thing. You will lose it." For those who love their lives too much to give it up for Christ, the end which awaits is unthinkable. But for God's children, "He will tear those idols away from us." At that, thanksgiving welled up in my heart and I understood. In retrospect, I know that had God not intervened, I would have landed in a worse state than I am in now. That period of life showed me where my weakness was, where my idol was. I probably never knew how long lasting this statement was, when I said that she was the best gift that God has given to me for my sanctification. I guess I didn't mean it this way, but it is still true now... It was through that experience that I was brought low, humbled and made brutally aware of my own weakness. I was weak, I failed and I didn't exercise any form of spiritual leadership at all. Since then, I had repented and such a painful awareness of my own weakness, unworthiness, uselessness and tendency to do worse than a Balaam's donkey without God's grace (ask me for context if you don't know why I am mentioning Balaam's donkey here) drove me to cling on more tightly to Him, His word, prayer and just simply, leaning my weight on Him more. I suppose this was God's way of preparing me for service and for marriage.
Behold, His ways are too wonderful.
Behold, He is the One who knows me before I was yet formed.
Behold, He is the One who ordained in His book, all my days when there was yet, none.
And He loves me far more than I can search out and orchestrates all things to happen for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Yes, even painful things. Because He loves me. Which loving Father does not discipline His son?
And so, I am writing this in order that I may be careful to remember this lesson, build on it, and continue to prepare myself to be a God-fearing husband and man of God.
Psalm 145
A Psalm of Praise, of David.
1 I will extol You, my God, O King,
And I will bless Your name forever and ever.
2 Every day I will bless You,
And I will praise Your name forever and ever.
3 Great is the Lord, and highly to be praised,
And His greatness is unsearchable.
4 One generation shall praise Your works to another,
And shall declare Your mighty acts.
5 On the glorious splendor of Your majesty
And on Your wonderful works, I will meditate.
6 Men shall speak of the power of Your awesome acts,
And I will tell of Your greatness.
7 They shall eagerly utter the memory of Your abundant goodness
And will shout joyfully of Your righteousness.
8 The Lord is gracious and merciful;
Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness.
9 The Lord is good to all,
And His mercies are over all His works.
10 All Your works shall give thanks to You, O Lord,
And Your godly ones shall bless You.
11 They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom
And talk of Your power;
12 To make known to the sons of men Your mighty acts
And the glory of the majesty of Your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
And Your dominion endures throughout all generations.
14 The Lord sustains all who fall
And raises up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to You,
And You give them their food in due time.
16 You open Your hand
And satisfy the desire of every living thing.
17 The Lord is righteous in all His ways
And kind in all His deeds.
18 The Lord is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth.
19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He will also hear their cry and will save them.
20 The Lord keeps all who love Him,
But all the wicked He will destroy.
21 My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,
And all flesh will bless His holy name forever and ever.
Amen.
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