tired, but have I fought?

and so I have arrived at the end of the week, exhausted. But on the walk home, I asked myself that I may be tired, I may have been busy, but what does that mean? Is that of any value? Have I truly fought?


Ephesians 6:10-13 (NASB95)
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.

I remember the times when temptations would surround and press against me and I sought to put away those thoughts. Sometimes, I gave up and yielded in the end. Sometimes, by the grace of God I was able to stand firm. I remembered how wearisome that felt. And I also remembered the times when I didn't fight at all. I nursed the sin and I let it rule. I guess it is indeed true. The next closest experience I had, to feeling so wearisome is running a race, 2.4km, or the AHM (the longest I ever ran). It is indeed true that our spiritual journey is described as a spiritual race. Yes, each of our own races is marked out from us. Each different from everyone else's. I remember that although I would be at varying levels of fitness, I never failed to give my all in races. I would push myself harder, and harder, feel the lack of air, the breathlessness, the stitch, the strain in the legs, the lump in the throat... I especially love the tracks whereby there is a long, straight run-in, to the finishing line, when it could be seen from afar. I always manage to summon up that extra fuel tank to burst through the finishing line, through the pain, and after that, breathless.

The times when I felt worst, was the times I was sure I gave my all. The only time I managed a gold timing of 9.40s, I really felt like puking. My section commander had to haul me up and stop me from lying flat from the ground cos he said it's not good to stop suddenly. Had to jog on the spot and stuff.. Yea but I simply couldn't do it. There was none left in my legs.

Look TM, I want to say at the end of my life, that I have fought. And I want to cross the finishing line, exhausted. I fear only, that at the end of my life, I would have enjoyed too much of this world, been at ease for too long, that being received into glory is no prime joy, and less than a satisfying relief and rest because I have not truly fought in this life. Oh how quickly this regret will be forgotten.. Oh how quickly I will tire out from the weariness in fighting sin. Oh how quickly I will retreat back into the ease and comfort of life. Oh how quickly will I lose this conviction. God help me behold daily, the Chief Shepherd standing at the finishing line. Oh God help me to be strong, stand firm, and faithful to the end.