The beauty of this life is in the blessed hope of the life to come.

Liberation

2012-02-04T23:08:00.001+08:00

By God's grace, today, after "Every bridge is burned behind me" and after YF session today, my heart was changed. For weeks, I've been telling myself this has gotta go, this has gotta go. I lingered, I hesitated, I was worldly, but today, I took a break after men's fellowship and then listened to the entire gospel according to Mark. Those of you who havent tried reading bible this way, u really gotta try it. It's really a different effect. Really. It's like a bittersweet pill. A strong pill. A strong spiritual pill. Mark is really concise, and it makes it powerful in that manner. U get to savour and capture the very essence of the gospel. As the narrative goes on, you start to build an affection for the Son of God, Christ Jesus. His words, His graciousness, His patience with the disciples and many others, His Godly nature, His actions, all displayed before your eyes. It builds up. Yet at the same time, opposition is growing. He tells of His imminent death. No one perceives. Then, almost all too quickly, He is nailed on the cross. The sweetness before that, augmented the bitterness of His death. It was a very bittersweet taste. In fact, very bitter. The bitterness was all to overwhelming. Upon finishing, I almost instinctively switched track to this hymn. "Behold the Lamb".

I suddenly remembered that this was very very much like the OT. The lamb would stay in the house for days, kids and the family would play, cuddle with it and yet know that after some days, it would have to die for their sins. When the day of it's death arrives, it becomes very very painful. Oh how I need such a reminder everyday!

Behold the Lamb who bears our sins away,
Slain for us - and we remember
The promise made that all who come in faith
Find forgiveness at the cross.
So we share in this bread of life,
And we drink of His sacrifice
As a sign of our bonds of peace
Around the table of the King.

The body of our Saviour Jesus Christ,
Torn for you - eat and remember
The wounds that heal, the death that brings us life
Paid the price to make us one.
So we share in this bread of life,
And we drink of His sacrifice
As a sign of our bonds of love
Around the table of the King.

The blood that cleanses every stain of sin,
Shed for you - drink and remember
He drained death's cup that all may enter in
To receive the life of God.
So we share in this bread of life,
And we drink of His sacrifice
As a sign of our bonds of grace
Around the table of the King.

And so with thankfulness and faith we rise
To respond, - and to remember
Our call to follow in the steps of Christ
As His body here on earth.
As we share in His suffering
We proclaim Christ will come again!
And we’ll join in the feast of heaven
Around the table of the King

Words and Music by Keith and Kristyn Getty
& Stuart Townend

Such is the unspeakable love of God. Even though I was listening to the gospel of Mark and there was no slowing down or pausing, this teaching of Jesus stuck. If your eye causes you to sin, rid of it. If your hand causes you to sin, rid of it. If your leg causes you to sin, rid of it. Better enter the Kingdom of God with the above defects than to be full well and into hell. No, it's not salvation by works, but if we truly understand the love of God and the immense grace which have been shown to us, what business do we have, meddling with sin? Such is the extremity and severity with which we ought to deal with sin. This, together with the YF session and the "every bridge is burned behind me" hymn, I decided that enough is enough. I have set my mind to rid of it. Both coms, no games, no steam. I have in my heart, so many other things to do. Everyday the war rages. Sow in the flesh or the spirit? With those around, I cannot sow in the spirit each time. it keeps pulling me back. I'm better off without it. Linger no more.

I know at some point in the future, Satan is going to tempt me with the thought that look, you're happier with games! I hope and I resolve that this will be the last I fall into his trick. His lies. Sin yields a passing pleasure. Yes, I concede that it does yield a pleasure. But a passing one. A temporal one. Obedience to God brings about a relationship fulfillment. Relationship fulfillment with God. Can u imagine? A close relationship with God Most High? O my soul, please. Choose the latter every time, from now on.

(reader, just in case you think that I am now an invincible fortress just cos I made a resolve? No. Don't put your trust in me. Put your trust in God. He is the one who gives grace. Grace greater than our sin. Grace greater than our cross. Grace to return and repent. Because it is a salvation by love and grace, not by law or good works, no one can boast. Boast then of my weakness and of Christ. Of His immense love and grace. For each time I return, it is sparked by a recollection of His love and grace. Because it is by love and grace, because He loves me far more than I can know, I am not allowed to give up. I am constrained, compelled, bound by cords of love. His unconditional love gives me strength to stand up again. Not for my sake, but for His sake. Yes, for His sake and for His works more to do.

(kinda rushed through this post. off to do more impt stuffs.)

O my soul, the LORD will provide...

2012-01-31T21:39:00.000+08:00

who will stand with me and fight this war? who will stand with me and run this race of faith together?

More love to Thee, O Christ

2012-01-30T23:53:00.004+08:00

As much as my heart resounded with the lyrics, expressing this earnest plea, I gave myself the stern warning that how true a reflection it was, of my actual heart would show in my actions. Actions without heart is a clanging cymbal. "Heart" without action, is empty faith. Worthless faith. Both are equally worthless. Let me not tread the sinful paths of old. Let me not be contented to rest on my laurels. Let me not be weakened in my resolve to put into practise what I hear. Stir up the coals, shake off the white ash so that it may red hot and burning again.

MORE LOVE TO THEE, O CHRIST

More love to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee!
Hear Thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Once earthly joy I craved, sought peace and rest;
Now Thee alone I seek, give what is best.
This all my prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Let sorrow do its work, come grief or pain;
Sweet are Thy messengers, sweet their refrain,
When they can sing with me: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Then shall my latest breath whisper Thy praise;
This be the parting cry my heart shall raise;
This still its prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Had it not been for God's grace, I would not have had this desire. He who calls me is faithful. And I shall ask of Him to grant me grace to bring to fruition, my heart's desire. Let my heart's desire express itself also in works of faith.

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12

To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fulfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus will be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

According to the chinese calendar, it's a fresh start

2012-01-25T00:00:00.003+08:00

A quick word and self-reminder before 25th Jan starts.

I've always thought that we should give thanks that every day lasts 24hours. In God's design, it's such that in 24hours time, the sun rises from the east again, and all is new. It is grace. A pattern. A pattern to remind us that we can start afresh. That we can try again. That we can put away what is wrong from yesterday and set things right.

If I don't make up my mind to tread a different path from yesterday, if I persist in my inaction, nothing will change. Remember, don't do the same thing which you did yesterday. Don't be contented to do the same thing which I did wrong yesterday. Yes, just as I have told the youths that in this period of "youth", I have seen many repeatedly exercise their faith and hence draw nearer and closer to Christ. I have also witnessed many who repeatedly fail to exercise their faith and hence fall away from Christ. This exhortation comes back to me now. Will I repeatedly exercise my faith and draw nearer to Christ, or will I repeatedly fail to exercise my faith and fall away from Christ? 1. Live each day in the light of Christ's imminent coming. 2. Remember the Saviour and His salvation everyday. 3. Trust in God's guidance (which is backed up by His promise to those who belong to Him). These 3 points are the advice which I gave to the youths. Now it's coming back to me.

Enough said. Now it's time for the doing. Isn't true love for God marked by obedience? Isn't the righteous path the pathway of blessing? Isn't He the Rewarder of those who seek Him out? So then, it is not in the saying or the person who shares the most. It is in the doing. Deep in my heart, I am hoping and praying that among the youths, there will be many who will have eternal rewards which surpass me. Those who don't speak alot but have been quietly practising all that they hear. Those will be truly blessed. Yes, so then, let me run the race so as to attain the prize, for fear that I have preached to others, and I myself disqualified.

1 Corinthians 9

²⁴ Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. ²⁵ Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. ²⁶ Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; ²⁷ but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.

Your strength is made complete in my weaknesses. Yes, and weaknesses, I have many.

2 Corinthians 12

⁹ And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Goodnight.

Spiritual preparation

2012-01-09T00:41:00.001+08:00

Every semester is a chance to set right what is wrong. It is grace. Grace to start anew. 2012 arrived in such a flash that I hardly had time to reflect. Lessons learnt and things to set right. Right now, my desk is still in a mess, but I thank God that after YF yesterday, prayer, and through today, He's graced me with the resolve to put away the games. I've uninstalled steam. (Not yet on my desktop though. It's too late to turn on my desktop now. But I'm writing this here and I will get to it tomorrow.)

I was just thinking and reflecting while doing carpark duty today. I remember hearing a sermon directed at brothers / males / guys in the US. There's this bit where the pastor spoke about men that refuse to grow up. About a research which showed that alot of men still played games up to the age of 30+. Video games that is. 2 years on, and this is a rebuke to me. Look, there's nothing wrong with playing video games. We all know that. It's your heart attitude towards it. Look, I think it's time I stop looking at others and using them as my excuse and standard. I guess secretly, at the back of my mind, I take comfort in that some of my peers / brothers and sisters in Christ still play com games. I don't judge or condemn them, but have I used them as my excuse to idle my time away? Am I looking to them? Or to Christ?

At the point of writing, I still have not resolved to terminate my steam account. I have resolved to uninstall it though. Looking ahead at the responsibilities laid out before me, I know I am going to run out of time. If I persist in using time my way. I know, that there are little pockets of time I can save up, little perks that I can deny myself, in order to spend a little more time praying, a little more time in the quiet, a little more time reading the bible, a little more time at home, a little more time thinking about ministry. I know that if I can discipline myself to exercise instead of gaming, it would be an efficient use of time, which trains my body to labour better in the long run and to train for IPPT. I know that if I can discipline myself to study at home, I can spend more time with my parents. If I'm going to do this and that for the Lord, then it outta mean less time for myself. Well, I don't mean compartmentalising my life. I know that I can glorify God, no matter what I do, even in eating and drinking.. Yea.. but I do feel that I am neglecting some of my responsibilities. I need to pay more attention to them, especially with increased responsibilities this year. Fatigue is the price I have to pay. To labour to the point of exhaustion. I do feel this is training in advance for parenthood and being a husband. So that when I come home from work next time, I will not think that I deserve rest, prop my legs up on the table and demand to be served by my wife and kids. No. Everywhere is a mission field. Where then is the rest? I guess the earliest that'll arrive is eternity. For now, there outta be no such thing as burnout. Just burned up. Burned up completely as a living sacrifice.

Look, by now, I know myself all too well. I've written strongly, with firm words. I do not even begin to judge myself whether these are my honest words or some other intentions lie beneath. I do not trust myself. I do not even guarantee that 10 years down the road I will be any closer to what I am writing now. But perhaps this one thing I am a little more sure of, that is I must run the race that is set before me. Perhaps the race that is set before me requires disciplining myself this way. Requires limiting myself this way. Let me then, look to Christ Jesus and not to others or the easier track of others. I will fail along the way. I am not certain, but this I am certain, that the Lord is my guide and my provider. The way He answers prayers and graces our lives... Far too amazing for me to describe. Readers, when I fail, or perhaps fail far worse than you can ever imagine. Should that surprise you? I am mere man. There is but breath in me. Look then, not to me, but to Christ. Look to the truth. Not a stroke of it will pass away. God's truth is secure, sure and He Himself is faithful. He cannot deny Himself. All that has been revealed to us (in Scripture), go do it.

I am mere man. Like you.

2012-01-07T22:07:00.001+08:00

Today, I was sharing with a younger brother during prayer. I hesitated for a while and decided to be as forthright and honest with him as I could. I shared with him, my burden, that I was suffering a lack of self-control over gaming and that I should consider removing it completely. Or that I should be strengthened with the resolve to remove it. "I thought you had a lot of self-control?" was his response. I think he was kinda surprised. This reminds me. We need to teach the young ones, that as much as they look up to us, we are but mere man. Like them. Bearing the same weaknesses, flaws, the same inclinations towards sin. We battle, we fall, we obey, we disobey. Just like them.

We need to help them see thoroughly that none of us, can perfect anything. None of us can live a completely victorious Christian life on our own. We desperately need to embrace and acknowledge our own weaknesses and rely on Christ every moment of our life.

I pray that they will grow to understand this, the sooner the better.

Psalm 144

3 O Lord, what is man, that You take knowledge of him?

Or the son of man, that You think of him?

4 Man is like a mere breath;

His days are like a passing shadow.

Resolved

2012-01-07T21:24:00.000+08:00

1. By the grace of God, resolvedthat I never give up battling my wretchedness, however unsuccessful I may be.
(July 26th 2011)

2. Resolved, by the grace of God,that nothing shall be indispensable in my life apart from the Lord JesusChrist.

(July 27th 2011)

3. Resolved, by the grace of God,to see my sin as an intense violation of my precious relationship with JesusChrist and to be most remorseful and saddened by that, over any otherconsequence or anything else.

(August 3rd 2011)

4. By the grace of God, resolvedthat I consider all things in the light of the temporal earth and the glory ofthe Kingdom to come.

(August 2nd 2011)

5. By the grace of God, resolvedthat I live each day on earth as if it were my last and that the next instant Iwould meet my Master and my Lord.

(August 2nd 2011)

6. Resolved, by the grace of God,to intentionally / purposefully summon up mental energy to constantly meditateon the greatness of God's love and grace lavished on me in order that it maynever grow cold nor be distant from my mind.

And that I may know how torespond to Him in the rightful manner.

(August 7th 2011)

7. By the grace of God, resolvedthat I reserve my greatest joy and satisfaction for doing the will of God andshould any activity or person exceed that joy, it should be given upimmediately.

(August 7th 2011)

8. By the grace of God, resolvedthat I should never approach rest and recreation with an attitude of self-lovebecause that is a great danger and an occasion for sin.

(15th August 2011)

9. By the grace of God, resolvedthat when faced with an immense workload, I'll not be burdened by it, more thanI am burdened for the spiritual state of my soul.

(25th August 2011)

10. By the grace of God, resolvedthat whenever I look upon my labour to be such a bore and chore, and am temptedto go in search of pleasure in various forms of entertainment, I will rememberthat Solomon went to that extreme and found it to be nothing but vanity.

I will also to call to mind, thedeep and unfathomable love of Christ and meditate on that, so that my handswill not grow weary in my labour for Him.

(29th August 2011)

11. By the grace of God, resolvedthat, I will "kindle afresh the gift of God" in the light of thegreat heritage of Christian men lived before me who have laboured and sufferedimmensely for the sake of the gospel. That I shall be resolved to stir up mylove for Christ and labour for His gospel, being emboldened by the spirit of"power and love and discipline", even though I am far from it at thepoint of writing.

(3rd September 2011)

12. By the grace of God, resolvedthat the same old gospel shall not grow cold in my heart but on the contrary,may I grow to praise and obey God more with each repeated meditation of it,that it shall be sweeter still, than the hour I first believed.

(6th September 2011)

13. By the grace of God, resolvedthat I shall not self-congratulate on a "fruitful" day, and sodeceive myself into thinking that I've accomplished this and that, done thisand that, when I've actually done none of them or done little of them with theattitude of serving God. On the other hand, I should work at every task asthough serving the Lord. What good is it if I merely complete the tasks oreven excel at them, and have no concept of God while doing them? How differentwould I be from the rest of the world?

(29th September 2011)

14. By the grace of God, I amresolved that when I see charm and beauty, I am to call to mind the faithfulwisdom contained in Proverbs 31:30 and value what God counts as praiseworthyand deny what is not, even though my heart may tell me otherwise.

Charm is deceitful and beauty isvain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

Formedearlier, forgotten, but remembered and penned down on (3rdOctober 2011)

15. By the grace of God, resolved that I shall never harbour any selfish intentions when ministering to the flock of God. That I shall not use my favourable position to influence anything or anyone for selfish gain. And to be wary of doing so while hiding behind godly agenda.

(16th October 2011)

16. Over the past few days when I've been sick, I found myself lacking in energy and weak in the flesh and hence, was more selective and economical with my actions. I didn't have the energy to do lots of things, so many things weren't a distraction anymore. Through this, I learnt a lesson and found a great evil. Youth, vigour, health and athleticism are meaningless and a vanity if not used to glorify God maximally. What use is it then? That we have great health and energy but spend it on our pleasures? Why only be conscious of glorifying God when sick, when you can do so much more for God when healthy? So then, by the grace of God, resolved, that I submit my body to God and recognise that youthful vigour, energy, drive, health and athleticism are a gift from God. I don't own it and neither will I possess it forever. Oh God help me to spend my youthful days all the more for serving God, especially in ways which I can't when I grow old. (Ecclesiastes 12) When my vision dims, when I become a hunchback, my teeth become few, when my hearing gets impaired, when I become a light-sleeper, awakened at the slightest noise, when I become fearful of heights and fall, of dangers in the street, when my hair turns white, when I have my energy sucked out of me and tire easily, and when my sense of taste and smell is dulled, when I hear of death all around me, when I spend every last dollar I own on my health care and to support the last days of my life and then finally, this flesh will waste away, return to the soil and I return to the One who gave me life.
Before that day comes, and while it is today, let me use my youthful vigour to serve God maximally.
(16th October 2011)

17. By the grace of God, I am resolved that I should and must never doubt that God hears and answers prayers. Sometimes, we may fall prey to the niggling thought deep down inside. Really? Does God really hear my prayers? Does He really answer? Maybe I don't really believe in it but just for show, I'll just mouth the words. May it never be! If my conviction and belief in prayer should weaken and grow cold, then I must stop and recall the various ways which God has answered my prayers abundantly, exceedingly and in unexpected ways. And then, start praying fervently.
(17th October 2011)

18. By the grace of God, I must be resolved to gird up the loins of my mind and not lay at rest. Lately, too many thoughts pass through my mind unfiltered, even if it's a flash. Lately, I'm starting to be lazy and getting tired of combating those thoughts, especially those which keep coming and those which represent my deepest struggles. I have no idea how much bad I must undo. Like Peter would say, "gird up the loins of your mind!", "prepare your minds for action!". Let me attack and abolish any flicker of thought of pride, of hatred, of lust, of selfishness, of laziness, of procrastination, of idolatry, of trying and tempting God, of delaying obedience. I do not struggle for my own sake. If I am to struggle, let it be done for the Lord, in remembrance of the blood that was shed for me. If ever I am to grow weary, I am to remember what I'm struggling for and try. Try a little harder, persevere that bit more. "The sands of time are sinking." "Dark, dark hath been the midnight, but dayspring is at hand. And glory, glory dwelleth, in Immanuel's land." Only a little more to glory.
(6th November 2011)

19. By the grace of God, and by faith, I shall not proceed to do God's work while my hands are dirty, while I am nursing and cuddling some sin intentionally. Will I take His commands and His holiness lightly? Can God be shortchanged or deceived? Let it be that I firstly, bend my heart and offer up a broken spirit and a contrite heart of repentance before I resume my duty, though it may cost me much time.
(7th January 2011)

2 Peter

2011-10-26T10:53:00.004+08:00

26th October

Through the true knowledge of God and of our Lord Jesus Christ, God has given us, through His divine power, everything with regard to life and godliness, as well as His precious and magnificent promises, in order that we may become partakers of divine nature, having already escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust.

Because of this, I must apply all diligence in my life of sanctification so that I will not be useless or unfruitful in the true knowledge of God.

my forgetful heart must remember this.

2011-10-17T00:12:00.002+08:00

Today, after badminton, as I was walking back home, I made a realisation, and it made me excited. There was a spring in my step, and I felt like I could put everything down and just pray. Yet, there was a little disappointment and sadness. Didn't I know this before? Haven't I witnessed God answering my prayers so often? What's with this feeling of a new discovery? Then I told myself I must write it down and form a conviction to remind myself so that I would not forget this. I must also make a conscious effort to mean what I say in my prayer, and be careful to observe God answering them because He surely will. Learnt from the book of James that prayer must be made in faith and with the right intentions. I must remember that prayer is not mouthing some nice words and ideas and then forgetting them the next moment. I must mean what I say and with the same weight and force with which I carry my words, I must be responsible towards that which I prayed. Otherwise, it'll be hypocritical and we just want the issue to be resolved without us doing our part. That's not the way to go.

I witnessed how I was not labouring enough for the gospel. How the gospel had grown cold in my heart. My disobedience towards the great commission. I prayed for God to stir up my heart, cause me to love the gospel and labour more for the gospel. I thought I'd start off by attending tracting regularly. But God placed this person in my life. That we would know each other by weekly group badminton sessions and eventually, opening up the opportunity for me to minister to him and try to lead him to Christ. I recognise my inadequacies, my floundering with words to say.. but I realised God had increased my love for him. To pray for him, seeing his helpless state, unable to seek God and facing the prospect of judgement. And through explaining scriptures to him, telling him of the gospel, my heart was stirred up constantly. Weekly. Daily, whenever I prayed for him. What a remarkable answer to my prayer.

There are many more. But seeing how God answers my prayers is a great impetus to start praying for the dear youths more. Not for greater career prospects, better grades, better health but more importantly, for all good spiritual things. That God may increasingly be at the centre of their lives. Ah..there's so much more to pray for... I should start now.

No idols.

2011-09-24T20:51:00.001+08:00

Kindle just arrived at my doorstep. Amidst my thanksgiving that I managed to complete the purchase before USD was back on the rise and that I can now carry my pdf files and read them on the go, I must be wary of the thrill I get when handling it, and so I'm pausing for a moment before I open the package, to remind myself that there is a possibility of making an idol of Kindle, hidden behind the honest motive behind the purchase. No idols. My affection and thrill when handling the device should not exceed the affection, thrill and resolve I hold towards spiritual things.

James

2011-09-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

Just started to read James without all the chapter & verse numbers and headings. Remembered that the bible is filled with precious promises which God will bring to pass. Yes, it does require action on our part. Caught a few of them on first reading.

1. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.
2. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
3. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
4. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

Musings over the past few days / weeks

2011-09-19T00:40:00.002+08:00

Watching part 1 of William Carey's biography on Sat taught me many lessons. It reminded me of the importance of constantly reminding myself of the calling I've received. When you realise the nature of your calling, who has called you, and what price was involved in the calling, I don't think you'll fool around much with your life. Ah...I hope it is always so. There are just too many times that I behave like a fool. We need to constantly stir up our hearts, as spoken of in the Men's conference. I've been led to visit several similar passages which spoke of the same verb.

2 Timothy Chapter 1
⁶ For this reason I remind you to kindle afresh ^(P)the gift of God which is in you through ^(Q)the laying on of my hands. ⁷ For God has not given us a ^(R)spirit of ^[f]timidity, but of power and love and ^[g]discipline.

2 Peter 3

¹ This is now, ^(A)beloved, the second letter I am writing to you in which I am ^(B)stirring up your sincere mind by way of reminder, ² that you should ^(C)remember the words spoken beforehand by ^(D)the holy prophets and ^(E)the commandment of the Lord and Savior spoken by your apostles.

2 Peter 1
¹² Therefore, ^(AH)I will always be ready to remind you of these things, even though you already know them, and have been established in ^(AI)the truth which is present with you. ¹³ I consider it ^(AJ)right, as long as I am in ^(AK)this earthly dwelling, to ^(AL)stir you up by way of reminder, ¹⁴ knowing that ^(AM)the laying aside of myearthly dwelling is imminent, ^(AN)as also our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. ¹⁵ And I will also be diligent that at any time after my ^(AO)departure you will be able to call these things to mind.

Just reading the final passage gives me a window into Peter's heart in the final days of his life. His desire to shepherd the flock of God is so strong, as reflected in this letter. When his death day is imminent, he is convicted to always be ready to remind you of the things which they already know. While there is breath in him, he considers it right, to stir you up by way of reminder. And he aims to work hard at this so that even after his death, the congregation can recall all the truths. What a heart. I know that as Peter writes this, the conversation with Jesus by the shore must have flooded his mind. The conversation of loving restoration by Jesus with a very dejected and spiritually low Peter.

John 21
¹⁵ So when they had ^(T)finished breakfast, Jesus *said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you ^[f]^(U)love Me more than these?” He *said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I ^[g]love You.” He *said to him, “Tend^(V)My lambs.” ¹⁶ He *said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you ^[h]love Me?” He *said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I ^[i]love You.” He *said to him, “^(W)Shepherd My sheep.” ¹⁷ He *said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you ^[j]love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him ^(X)the third time, “Do you ^[k]love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, ^(Y)You know all things; You know that I ^[l]love You.” Jesus *said to him, “^(Z)Tend My sheep. ¹⁸ Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you where you do not wish to go.” ¹⁹ Now this He said, ^(AA)signifying by ^(AB)what kind of death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He *said to him, “^(AC)Follow Me!”

Ah.. time would really fail me if I were to go on. There's still the bit before this. I have in my mind, a very vivid picture of Peter. How he was first called. Simply following the Lord's instruction, he hauled up plenty of fish. His response was "go away from me Lord, for I'm a sinful man". And an all to similar scenario was planned by the Lord to restore Peter. This time, Peter was so spiritually low that he needed someone to point out gently to him "It is the Lord". I see in my mind, how he forgot about the fish altogether and instantly sprang to his feet and jumped into the water to swim to shore to meet with his beloved Lord. What a scene it was. What a scene. Ah.. how often have we had our hearts stirred up this way by our God. Perhaps, it is a little of this and also that William Carey kept a diary, that prompted me to decide that hey. I think I should start writing these down. When my heart grows cold and needs a little poke and stirring up, I can re-examine my calling and the immense grace that was shown to me.

It's been awhile now since the gospel meeting. A young man has been in our midst, seeking God. Ministering to this young man, trying to calmly answer his questions reminded me of that blessed day that something in me clicked. It was the most joyful experience. It was as though someone had given my soul new lenses and I looked at the world differently. Oh how far this grace has brought me. With each discussion with him, I feel a stronger connection with him, a stronger desire to minister to him and pray for him. Oh God, increase my love for You and for him, so that I can better bring him to behold the glory of our God.

And speaking of gospel meeting, I need to pen down something which was told to me. Some precious words. It was his last day ministering to us. I don't know why, but I have respect for spiritual elders. Elder, more spiritual, godly men. Their tremendous staying power through the years. I always feel that there is much to be learnt from them. It was on his final day, after gospel meeting ended that I felt strongly that I should shake his hand. I didn't know exactly what to say to him. Because honestly that wasn't on my mind. Somehow, I was looking to hear what he had to say to me. What a weird thought but nevermind. To cut the long story short, I decided that I should chiefly show my appreciation, love and commitment flying down all the way to minister to us. "Not at all, not at all. You just continue going strong with the Lord. Don't look back."
Don't look back. These were the simple words which I chewed on in my mind. What did they mean?

Don't look back 1
Lot's wife. Looking back, yearning to return to the old way of sinful life and then turning into a pillar of salt.

Don't look back 2
Today, in the light of my thanksgiving to God for His saving grace and His grace on my life of sanctification, don't look back reminded me not to look down and be prideful of my successes. What successes? All grace. Someone once briefly mentioned that past successes was what Paul was referring to when he wrote about "forgetting the past". Haven't had time to examine that but if that's true, then that's what he probably meant.

i have no time to bother about grammar and following a logical sequence. I'm merely transfering my thoughts to words.

I will gird up the loins of my mind.

2011-09-08T16:48:00.000+08:00

Today, I faced the first real temptation of dissatisfaction with my singleness after quite a while. I am writing this in order that I remember how I dealt with it as I expect to be tested again.

This dissatisfaction started out when I looked at myself and considered my current state to be lonely. And it so coincided with my 2 other friends being absent from lecture.

I was aware that this is a wrong thinking. I resolved to tell myself, I will not allow myself to think this. I will tell my heart and my mind what to think.

1. God did not withhold His only precious Son from me, the Lord Jesus Christ. What else am I to think that the Lord will withhold from me?

2. The Lord will provide. Jehovah Jireh. Deeply etched in my mind, is the impending sacrifice of Isaac but God stopped that. The Lord will provide, and has provided a holy sacrifice, that which we find in our Lord Jesus Christ. Also, I recall a widowed sister in Christ sharing at the cremation service of her beloved husband, "Jehovah Jireh". I will trust in the Lord's provisions.

3. This is the gift of singleness which God has prepared for me. I remember reading and hearing about how singles can serve God in a way which couples cannot. There are specific gifts of singleness which I am determined to fully utilise. Plenty of time is at my disposal, plenty of attention and plenty of energy. I shall seek to fully utilise these resources maximally to the glory of God.

4. This is a wrong way and the wrong attitude to adopt when viewing marriage. Marriage is not about me (and my perceived loneliness, though indeed Adam wasn't complete until Eve came along), it's not about my helper. It's chiefly about glorifying God through the husband-wife relationship, which is a testimony of Christ's love for the church.

5. Now there is work to do, work that is allotted to me. It is my lot. And I shall rejoice in it!

My food...

2011-08-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

I've been praying to have a greater sharing of God's delight and satisfaction in doing His will. Not the kind of half-hearted, going through the motion kind.. but really, to delight in pleasing God.
Thank God that over the past few days, I see my prayer being answered. I'm starting to feel the kind of joy and satisfaction. It's kinda hard to describe, but it's definitely a stronger delight than munching down food. It's also of a fundamentally different nature.

I only pray that I will continue labouring for Him because I find that it is only in truly labouring for Him out of love that I find the increased joy and satisfaction.

John 4
³¹ Meanwhile the disciples were urging Him, saying, “Rabbi, eat.” ³² But He said to them, “I have food to eat that you do not know about.” ³³ So the disciples were saying to one another, “No one brought Him anything to eat, did he?” ³⁴ Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.

May this joy and satisfaction be increasingly real and intense in every aspect of my life, and may I strive towards that end.

Also, months back, when I heard this passage being preached, I prayed this for the youths as well.
Eph 3:14-21
‎14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. 20 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, 21 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

I'm thankful to see that over yesterday and today, we've been reminded deeply about God's love for us. I really think that we know and understand so little of God's love for us and who God really is. It is little wonder that our response to His saving grace is so lackluster.

Be Still, My Soul

2011-03-19T19:26:00.001+08:00

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

verse 6 was not translated from german.

Thoughts

2011-03-18T11:26:00.001+08:00

Only you, O Lord.

Only you look into my heart.

I am laid bare before you.

What have I to hide?

2011-03-14T21:42:00.001+08:00

I can't believe what I've just learnt tonight. Oh what will become of me if I neglect tonight's lesson!

1 Peter 1:13-14

2011-02-09T09:43:00.004+08:00

Therefore,

prepare your minds for action,

keep sober in spirit,

fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of [Jesus Christ].

As [obedient children],

do not be conformed to

the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance,

but like the Holy One who called you,

be holy yourselves also in all your behavior;

because it is written,

"YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY."

Nothing between

2010-07-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to understand laoshi's conviction.

I'm struggling to manage a recreation.
I finally got down to removing it completely and break off all return paths, instead of allowing myself to argue whether I'm addicted to it or not and whether I deserve a second chance to try to manage it again.

And I'm conscious that sinful nature does not go away. The war wages on.

And I need to practise the putting on - "For this I toil."
If not, I'll be worse off in the end.

"strengthen my hands..."

Feebly, struggling.

2010-07-03T20:11:00.002+08:00

Oh, what can I bring forth to you?
Feebly, I struggle to come to you,
in search for the smile on your face.

old problems die hard.

2009-10-22T09:48:00.002+08:00

why do I have to go back to the ways which I've abandoned for the better?

2009-07-07T20:16:00.001+08:00

Please mould and change me to be more Christ-like so that I don't hurt the people around me.

Never give up.

2009-07-02T14:45:00.001+08:00

If marriage is till death do us part, then our fight against sin is till death we must part.

Obedience

2009-06-22T14:50:00.000+08:00

Oh pray for an obedience that is perfect and is untainted by any fleshly desires.
Make known to me Your way for I desire it.

Faith.

2009-06-20T16:29:00.000+08:00

I see a crossroad ahead.

The Beauty Of Life

2009-04-14T15:12:00.008+08:00

GOD

Flee evil,
Pursue holiness.

Let everything take its place and
let everything take place in its time.

Don't exalt anyone or anything more than God
and don't deny God the place in your heart He should take.

Things were created and designed to follow their natural order.
So let all of them take their places and let God be above them all.

Only then will life be beautiful - The life that was created and designed by God.

I need faith.

2009-04-02T19:53:00.001+08:00

Surely, God hasn't taken me this far just to leave me in the lurch.

Faith waits.

You

2009-03-29T19:38:00.000+08:00

You don't need to be smart.
You just need to be a good Christian.

At any time, only one person can steer

2009-03-24T19:27:00.002+08:00

To remind myself that nothing good will result from trying to take control of things.

God is in control.

The days I walked on my own.

2009-03-16T10:03:00.002+08:00

The days I walked on my own.It was not long before I was lost.I looked around and found myself in a forest of tall green trees.There was no right, no left.I did not know which way to go.I'm tired from this wandering.Short it may be,but it seemed like eternity.

How can I live like this?
Shouldn't I seek counsel from His word?

Speech

2009-03-02T07:47:00.002+08:00

Proverbs 26:22
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts.

Proverbs 25:11
A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

The tangles of life, God can undo.

2009-02-25T15:13:00.002+08:00

Woe to me, that I have put my hope in man,
who is but a mere breath that God blew into Adam.
I searched high and low,
crying out in the desert.
Voices there were, but not a single soul.

Woe to me, that I have not turned to my Creator!
I opened my ears to hear His voice but there was none.
I called out to Him, but there was no answer.

Behold!
The glory of God unfolds.
He has reached out from the bible,
and touched me with his loving hands.
He strengthens my soul,
with words as sweet as Ezekiel's scroll.

Tangles of life.

2009-02-24T15:43:00.002+08:00

From where can I seek help?
From who can I get counsel?
Is there anyone who can listen and understand my struggle?

In the nick of time.

2009-02-18T18:02:00.001+08:00

I'm amazed at how the books I read are always applicable almost immediately, and often, in the nick of time. Thank God.

What we're (really) living for.

2009-02-13T08:35:00.006+08:00

Our hearts still beat every second and our bodily functions still go on without much complain, other than a few coughs and sneezes here and there.

What's all these that are going on inside us for? An extensive and complicated network of processes work to support a worthless shell?

If we don't live each day in reverent fear and make good use of every second, then our hearts would have gone beating for

nothing.
worthless.

So lets look back at our day and find those meaningless activities which we love so much.
For those, our hearts have been beating and sustaining our life for nothing.

Get a life! (to all of us who are still living.)

No excuses for the pursuit of holiness

2009-02-09T17:36:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, we would blame the circumstances which we were brought up in, for who we are today.
Especially those circumstances which we were helplessly subjected to.

It is not wrong (good in fact) to understand how our past shapes present character but it's a mistake to use it as an excuse to sin, saying "It's difficult to change. That's just the way I am."

Let's forget the past and look ahead to the present!
What we were and what we used to be cannot be changed
so stop living in the shadows of our past.

Philippians 3

13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

看心花朵朵开的一点新的

2009-01-30T20:36:00.003+08:00

1。帮助别人乃是自愿，并不要求回报。因此，当别人帮助你时，不应以一个“欠他人情的心态来看待”。这种东方人的思想实在要不得。

2。做人要分轻重。朋友重要还是家人重要？这还用问！
　　朋友的需要固然重要，但怎么可能丢下老公和女儿不管？

3。做人要拿得起，方得下。哈哈，看电视更是如此。不好花太多时间看电视，也不要沉迷。

3 valuable words not spoken

2009-01-28T02:10:00.000+08:00

Are you crying?

Let loose

2009-01-22T09:59:00.000+08:00

The day I let loose was the day I lost control.

New territory.

2009-01-19T18:13:00.002+08:00

Stepping into an unfamiliar and new territory.
Needs to proceed with extreme caution
and to ask for more and more wisdom and discretion.

we all grow...here are some golden moments.

2009-01-16T00:30:00.004+08:00

went to read some of my first few posts. yes yes, i sound stupid i know. but it's all part of growing up isn't it? That's

The Beauty Of Life.

Infatuation Kills (21st Jan 2005)

O' guard your souls, you teenage fools.

Why have studies become so tasteless to you?

You've chosen the fruit of infatuation,

It's flesh, bursting with sweet flavours.

Before long,

It turns sour -

A devil which devours

you from the inside,

Tears you apart on the outside.

Away from me infatuation - you thief-of-hearts,

You make us soft - Eroded figurines made of dust.

Empty our insides, turn us fools on the outside.

We stone into a standstill, no will to fight.

Till Life comes and strike,

Slashes us back to reality.

On us, no one would take pity.

Infatuation sows by sight.

Feeds on deprivation, thrives on separation.

It pours delight,

But you lose all sense of what's right.

Friends around turn to glass,

Suddenly, they're nothing but rust.

The whole day, your shadow is upon her heels,

But she's thrice as tired as you.

For the whole day, she ran -

Through the mind of a fool.

Her - (The Pants) (17th Jan 2005)

It was love at first sight.

That glimmer - She caught my eyes.

She was made for me,

But came at a price.

The time I spent with her - Longer than the others.

That sandy-gold skin,

Had pride, dignity flowing through it.

Where I went,

She wrapped herself around me.

Through all, she walked with me.

Gave me warmth, before I could freeze.

The inner parts of me, she's seen it all,

Taking the scratches for me when I did fall.

Bath after bath, she began to fade.

Dirt and dust, she could wash away.

But Mr. Thinner came and ended her fate.

There was nothing I could do to rescue her -

From the big blots of bluish-grey.

21 is different.

2009-01-14T19:01:00.003+08:00

Prepares and reminds himself that he must be worthy of big 21 this year.

No more tossing about by waves.
Throw my anchor deep.

Be careful what you wish for

2009-01-09T13:58:00.006+08:00

Be careful what you wish for (not because you'll get it)
because we are limited (and foolish most of the time) creatures.

You may have deceived yourself &
have been yearning for something so much that
when the time is right and God shows you something even better,

you cannot accept or understand.

Why are you downcast, O soul?

2009-01-02T15:24:00.003+08:00

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
My limbs are quick, my youth is gold,
but my heart is ensnared by problems of the old.

In the stillness of the night
and the peacefulness of the day,
my heart is a sea of turbulent waves.
I tried to behold your glory,
but my eyes were covered with scales.
I couldn't taste your milk and honey
with a tongue numb with wine's aftertaste.
For youth and vigour are meaningless,
unless my shackles are shaken off first.

My God, my soul is downcast within me.
Therefore I will remember you.
My God, my soul's delight rests in thee.
Therefore my soul, be STILL.

What a difference a day makes.

2008-12-21T21:30:00.004+08:00

Each day, without much effort,
I could let loose so easily
and cruise by each minute.
A few more turns in bed,
A little more walking around,
A little longer on the computer,
And a little longer in front of the TV.

Perhaps I might sigh at the end of each day,
And perhaps a few more times I might say
"Oh how I have let time go to waste!"
then vow to make amends another day.

But the difference will not be made,
Until the words to action you take.
The day is today,
the time is now.
Get a grip on yourself
and make your choices count.

Never rest on your laurels.

2008-12-20T21:58:00.002+08:00

Always examine, deep down within...
Where the hidden, secret intentions lie,
sometimes even deceiving yourself.
Examine yourself in the light.

A warning to myself

2008-12-16T19:12:00.000+08:00

Idle hands are devil's tools.

Ephesians 5:16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. (NKJV)

I shall not be in want

2008-12-06T02:13:00.002+08:00

The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall not be in want.
Proverbs 31
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

May the Lord satisfy all of my desires.
I shall not be in want.

My struggle

2008-12-01T22:34:00.003+08:00

Oh eyes, fix your gaze on God alone.
Oh ears, hear His gentle voice speak.
Oh feet, flee from the evil paths quick!
Oh heart, your desires rest in Him.

Song of Solomon 2

15 Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes
that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom.

Oh heart, oh soul, beware the little hindrances that ruin & destroy,
however cute & lovely they may seem.

Do not make light of this verse.

2008-11-06T22:31:00.002+08:00

Matthew Chapter 5

8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

For surely, I am far from being pure in heart but God has always, faithfully responded and rewarded my small efforts to consecrate myself.

Timely reminder.

2008-10-06T22:19:00.002+08:00

Luke 9:62 (New International Version)

Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

The last I meditated on this verse was years ago.
Just came across my mind.
What a timely reminder.

Half-hearted service is just not acceptable.
All or nothing.

Look within and look far.

2008-09-26T23:51:00.003+08:00

Had a look at himself and shook his head.
Knows he's gotta buck up.
Now, he's only responsible for himself.
Soon, he will have to be responsible for the people around him.

All or nothing.

2008-08-26T19:26:00.002+08:00

I always negotiate with myself.
Another chance.
I will hold out, I will not repeat it.
I will be able to abstain from it.
A little of it will do no harm.
But it was never enough.

So whatever it is you're fighting, if you've been stuck at the losing end for ages,
maybe its time to re-think.

Maybe you don't need to fight that war at all.

myopic me

2008-08-08T23:52:00.002+08:00

As i examined myself in the light of God's holiness,
i'm ashamed to be far far from his standard,
yet still allowing myself to be so easily and often bogged down by such a small issue...

there're so much more important things to be done,
so much more significant things to work on..
so much more pressing issues to sort out and think about!

(tell myself everything is) In God's time

2008-08-03T22:50:00.002+08:00

Everything is made good in God's time.

If God is in control, even of the time of our death
(and the pain of illness / family members' grief wouldn't change God's plans)

Then surely He's in control of our life,
Totally.

Birth.Adolescence.Adulthood.Work.Marriage.Middle-age crisis.Degeneration.(Hairloss).Grandchildren.Retirement.Death.

He has the best planned for us, unravelled in His own time.
All we need to do is to trust.

Yet so often, water seeps through our wall of trust,
where cracks form under the high pressure of impatience.
Yes, if there's one thing which would wreck it all,
It would be my impatience.
Because I want it my way
and I want it NOW.

As I start to read and understand more...

2008-07-28T00:07:00.002+08:00

My sins I discover more.
I find this path fast shrinking in breadth,
almost to the width of my foot.
No breathing space.

In the years to come,
It'll be a tightropewalk.
There's no left, no right,
Just straight ahead.

For many will run, but few will get the prize.

Very sobering

2008-07-17T22:02:00.002+08:00

I have not done things which I am supposed to.
Yet the good things I have done,
were with deceitful intentions.

So then I hang my head in shame.
Only the grace & love of God sustains me.

Putting things in perspective & bow down in awe.

2008-03-10T15:36:00.003+08:00

Job 9:7-11
He speaks to the sun and it does not shine;
he seals off the light of the stars.

He alone stretches out the heavens
and treads on the waves of the sea.

He is the Maker of the Bear and Orion,
the Pleiades and the constellations of the south.

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,
miracles that cannot be counted.

When he passes me, I cannot see him;
when he goes by, I cannot perceive him.

Job 38:31-32
"Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades?
Can you loose the cords of Orion?

Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons
or lead out the Bear with its cubs?

Job 38:4
Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.

Job 42:5-6
My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.

Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.

Starting to tug at my heart

2008-02-17T23:38:00.003+08:00

Now now, when you make my heartbeat race,
I know something is wrong.

Alarm bells start going off.
No tianmeng, no...

V day.

2008-02-13T22:29:00.002+08:00

Tmr I celebrate V day!
One more year of singleness.
May I live my singleness to its fullest and treasure it while it lasts.

I will only celebrate v day with one person,
and it will be the same person for the rest of my life.
May God strengthen me to keep this charge!

Distorted Growth

2008-01-20T17:11:00.001+08:00

What does it take for us to grow?
Must we always sin and fall hard before we realise the trouble we're in and call on God?

Thank God

2008-01-14T21:47:00.000+08:00

Thank God for giving us the freedom of choice,
for a dictated and pre-programmed life is meaningless.

Thank God for allowing us to fall once, twice and thrice,
so that we learn not to fall on the forth.

Thank God for your plans are dynamic.
they are not ruined by our wrong decisions.

Thank God for difficult people in our life,
for our love to increase.

Thank God for happenings we don't understand,
for your wisdom and love are not limited by our emotions.

Thank God for stress,
for it is through our inability that you strength is unleashed.

Thank God for tomorrow,
for we can start anew and do better than the day before.

Thank God for everything.
And thank God that we know all this.

Run.

2008-01-06T21:09:00.000+08:00

Do you run? Do you run often? I don't usually. But COA has changed all that.
God's given me a light body-frame made for running and I do so reasonably well without much training. Besides, I enjoy running too. Do you?

I don't particularly like jogging alone. To me, it's rather lacking in any meaning. (I don't need to shake off any weight)

If I run, I run for something. To run well and to enjoy it, there must be a purpose or a final destination which you look forward to. It's what they call start with the end in mind.

And when you do that, you inevitably break into a run.

You picture the final destination.
Your legs start to kick faster and your stride opens up.
Your breath becomes rhythmic, in-sync with your steps as
Your heart thumps and the adrenalin surges through you.
Every part of your body starts quickening up subconsciously.
Your strains and lethargy is numbed by your momentum as you
Dash past the finishing line, seizing the prize you ran for.

What is our prize?

If only I can convert all this energy to run this spiritual race fervently and zealously.
For there're many who'll run

But few will get the prize.

A simple life?

2007-11-14T21:47:00.001+08:00

Oh a simple life, a simple life. So easily obtainable it seems and the desire of many.

Yet, it's never so simple.

Life's about keeping a tight rein on yourself, fighting to be sober-minded even when every part of your body feels satisfied and at ease.

How simple it is to just let go and let the day pass without pausing to think, reflect and consider.
How easy it is to follow your heart and do whatever pleases your desires.
How simple it is to sing "Let us eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die!"

Yet when you adopt this mindset, everything crumbles apart. You've achieved less than nothing and have to deal with the mess you've created in the midst of drink-driving through your life.

So when I look back on my proud ambition to lead a simple life, I realise how I arrived at it. It stems from the admiration I get when I observe people who seem simple enough.
(At least that's how I see it)
Everything seems to be happening their way, unchanged, constant and stagnant. It seems they could live their lives effortlessly. They could have gave up and let their hearts take control.

Or they could be fighting every minute, fighting to gain control over their hearts and refusing to be tossed around by their waves of emotion. Fighting to do what they should. And the end result is the apparent simple and peaceful life we see.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

There was never a promise of an unburdened life or a life without a fight,
But a path which brings a true, beautiful life.

Extreme measures

2007-10-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

Cut off the strings which tug at my heart.

Shocking recollection.

2007-09-22T21:48:00.000+08:00

As I was walking along the pavement today,
I suddenly remembered something, (don't ask me why) someone said sometime ago.

"How can you be just friends with a girl? It's because you have already developed a liking for a girl that you decide to know her better."

Hmmm. Shocking. Food for thought.

C'mon!

2007-09-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

C'mon christian soldier, we're marching to zion.
Not to eat, drink and be so nuah, always bothered by many issues and lacking in zeal.

Shake off everything that hinders, refresh my heart and run, run for that lifetime goal.

Impossible profiling.

2007-08-24T15:31:00.000+08:00

As you start to live out your new life as a new-born Christian and your life is no longer "Schizophrenic", torn between your sinful self and your new lease of holy life, you start to realise that your profiling tests start to screw up, especially those which seek to define your character.

That's normal I guess? You find that it's hard to tell from what you (you're old self) are/were (by default) and what you are, now that Christ lives in your heart. You start to find that the results of the profiling tests show a less pronounced distinction among the several characteristics. A little more of the strengths of every character and a little less of the weaknesses of each. So is this me or not? Or am I changing?

Neh, I'm still the stinking old self. Christ lives in me, that's why.

Indeed, like what was written in ecclesiastes, we should seek to avoid a life of extremes but rather, a life of moderation.

Oh Lord, take this away if it's not meant to be.

2007-08-18T20:42:00.000+08:00

For i'm irritated at how my heart gets distracted, sucked away each time i see you.
i don't want to give my heart away, so your presence is a sweet scent i enjoy from far away - an adrenalin rush, yet like a housefly buzzing around my ear when i'm trying to study - a pest i desperately want to swat away.

Oh Lord, if this is not from you, if this displeases you, take this away..
for at times, i'm deeply troubled:(

my 19 years' worth

2007-08-04T21:12:00.000+08:00

to sum up life so far, I can't do without God.

There's a thousand and one complexities in life to get entangled in.
You're confused for the moment.
And disappointed for a while.
But each time, the moral of the story points to the fact that when I detach myself from God, all else fails.
Nevermind what everyone else says.

Hence, life is simple, yet complicated. An irony. (again)

eyes Open, eyes cl_sed.

2007-07-29T21:39:00.000+08:00

They say keep your eyes open before marriage and have them half-closed when you're in it.

I say keep your eyes shut (half-closed if you want) before marriage and fully open when you're in it.

(Tell me if you know why. I need friends like you.)

Life on the balance

2007-07-25T19:11:00.000+08:00

Living life is like trying to balance a weighing scale which is fundamentally flawed in its calibration using quantised weights.

Life requires balance

2007-07-11T22:08:00.000+08:00

In all things you do, try to achieve balance.
Sounds simple?
Just when you're wondering where's the line to draw,
how about wondering whether a balance exists? (for some cases)

who do i speak to

2007-07-01T23:00:00.000+08:00

about my birthday?

Haha i just realised there's no one I can share my thoughts with, regarding my birthday.
Everyone will think I'm hinting at something haha
oops.. i think this post itself is a hint.
arghHH.

Running away...

2007-06-26T20:08:00.000+08:00

They say running away is a sign of weakness.
I disagree.
Learning to run away comes with knowing yourself better, your limitations.
When you learn that you can't hold your ground in certain situations,
It takes courage and grit to swallow some pride and hide away.
Just for that moment.
Just so that you won't foolishly try to hang in there and get crushed eventually.

THE POTTER AND the clay.

2007-06-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

I am the clay and I haven't changed a single bit.
I only gave myself to a new potter and that has made all the difference.
As long as the potter's hands are on me,
I will be moulded into a fine product.
When I insist spinning on my own,
I'm but a handful of dirty-brown clay.

Handphone

2007-06-01T22:21:00.000+08:00

Constant fiddling with your handphone sends a message. (Both literally and not literally hahaha)
Of course, first to the person we're all trying to find out - whose feet is nervously tapping away, waiting for your SMS.

Second, to the people around you. An air of unfamiliarity, distance and anti-socialness lingers. The smell is distinct and distracting. Eyes are interlocked, opening windows for soul-to-soul interaction. But yours is fixed on a small LCD. Your head is tilted down and you close your curtains on the world around.
Long, black curtains.

Conflict explains the world at large

2007-05-21T22:52:00.000+08:00

I set my sight on peace and purity.
Yet the world shouts at my ear and sets traps for my eyes.
I wanted to love my brothers and sisters,
Yet am worried I would cross the line.
When I finally was convinced,
this season is singleness and service
Yet mum says home is a hotel i see.
For I love many things under the sun,
But I deny myself, to be His son.

I tried my hands at bowling.
Though I had reached 124, I fear it will be the gutter-count.
I positioned myself for pool,
And hit "all the colours-combined" into one pocket.
Stargazing seemed a healthy hobby,
Yet other habits followed.
Among the fish, salmon I like,
Yet scientists found mercury, mercury inside.
Among the beans, there's none like coffee.
It keeps me awake, yet makes me fall asleep.
I play I eat.
O I play and I eat to my heart's content.
But to this there's no end.
I play away my time and devour the notes till the leather,
Surprised that there's even emptiness left.

And so I desert my old ways and
with a bitter laugh,
I cheer the wisdom of Solomon.
All this is chasing after the wind.

Prayer

2007-04-10T21:19:00.000+08:00

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I prayed before treading by,
And that has made all the difference.

I found it. I found the answer.

2007-04-08T18:08:00.000+08:00

I found the answer.
I realised where to draw the line between friendship and intimacy for myself.
It may be an ordinary behaviour.
But as long as I'm showing preferential treatment to someone in hope of getting a response in return, I'm bordering dangerously on the limit.

Now abstinence comes in.

Hooray! Just like Galileo once said
"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself."

Quote of the year

2007-04-06T18:18:00.000+08:00

Don't say it's over. It hasn't even started yet.

(Haha you'll be surprised at this quote's utility)

Humans, the epitome of change II (The science of life)

2007-03-31T00:12:00.000+08:00

I once thought any meal will do. But during BMT, I had subway 3 times, pizza once, and pastamania once. Movie once and a drink before movie at starbucks. w0w. oh and 6 new music CDS.

It may be the norm for some but definitely not for me. I never spent money like this before. I looked down on my mum at times for placing such a high value on money and insisted that I'll be happy as long as I have enough to live by. Yes, I was happy, (I always am)

But I realised I ate my words. Once the army allowance crept into my bank account, my spending was relentless. Suddenly, I started to look forward to pay day, good music and good food.

So now, time to tilt the scale back and curb my expenditure.

Now, I'm starting to review all of my stands.
Stands which I have quickly made and resolved to stand by it.

It is not wrong to set clear guidelines and state a conviction. But putting it up for show and thinking those few words will stick and guard your life is complete foolishness. It's amazing how nature tends to disorder. Complacency will induce rusting and corrosion. Brown and messy. So don't rest on your laurels and think your words of conviction will carry out itself.

Instead, carry it out, lubricate it and oil it. Scrub your words of conviction often so people don't read them and laugh at the rust. Instead, keep it sparkling and shiny, free of rust like how your life is a brilliant testimony of your conviction. Guard against the pitfalls of nature.

So the next time you say never to this and nevermind to that, think again.
There's no absolute certainty to any issue under the influence of human beings.
Life is dynamic, turbulent.
So don't let go of the steering wheel and let the winds take over.

Oh and remember to have God beside you. He's the only constant. You can't remove Him from the equation.

Don't compare.

2007-03-26T20:40:00.000+08:00

What the heck. Stop complaining.
It's only the first day and I hear people complaining already.

Ok, we may be the most xiong wing in the whole of OETI but hey we get to play around with tanks and knockoff everyday! Yes, its a little later than everyone but what the heck! My friends in OCS and SISPEC are confined for the 1st 3 weeks and may not even get to book out for all the weekends! I feel for them. Never mind the lousy pay. Just no more camo on my face thank you very much. I'm a 1/2 cleanliness freak and a few months in BMT won't change that.
(Soap is the world's best invention)

So stop complaining. I love what I'm doing and I hope to work with a bunch of guys who are like-minded.

Court

2007-03-25T23:14:00.000+08:00

Crime: Wallowing in Self-pity
Sentence: Guilty

Tian Meng has been wallowing in self-pity, thinking how pathetic he is being alone in this war as he miserably tried to stand by his conviction to stay single and lead a pure and lust-free lifestyle while everyone else around him is doing otherwise.

Corrective action: "Spending my time sighing over what I've given up doesn't impress God; obeying Him with joy does."

Stop comparing. "Am I really lacking something in my life, or am I just coveting what someone else has?"

For now, I'll be proud and happy of my singlehood and serve Him fervently.
Marriage, family, kids has always been and will always be the sole goal of my life.
Let God fulfil it when the time is right!

Help has arrived!

2007-03-24T23:41:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought I couldn't hold my stand anymore,
Just when I thought I couldn't fight this war anymore,

I found help in Joshua Harris' "I kissed dating goodbye"!

The Science of Life

2007-03-16T09:23:00.000+08:00

Waves crash to the sandy shore.

Rise and fall, O such a bore.

Salty blunt knives gently massage,

peanut butter, breakfast for us.

Nano eye

sees the lengthening shoreline.

Along which,

runs the path of life.

From high, it is but a line.

But every second of it,

A pattern within another.

Chaos erupting,

Yet simplicity is its master.

What has been will be again.

What is meant to be,

Will be.

Everything that has

A Begining,

has

An End.

And every end leads

To a beginning.

Life is an eternity.

When is,

the end of the beginning

the beginning of the end?

Only eternity, will not repeat.

So I seize the time,

to sit and think about life.

Only that another fool has done it

in his time.

Where the waves too

shape the shoreline,

And he perhaps,

loves the same blue sky.

2nd bookout

2007-02-04T17:02:00.000+08:00

If there's any pain that I have to suffer,
If there's any training I have to go through,
If there's anything I have to endure,

I know it's for the Lord and I know He is training me.
NS is not a waste of time but a reservoir of lessons waiting for me.

Overly Optimistic Oo

2007-01-06T21:34:00.000+08:00

People often say I'm overly optimistic. Or rather, they wonder why.
Haha thats me through the years. Hardly changed.

After all, I'm one of the very few (one of the first i thk) who gets excited at the prospect of enlisting for NS on friday. Confinement? Torture?

Nonetheless, my weird optimism has proved to be useful.
So come on NS, upset me if you can haha..

Till the next time I update, take care, all of you out there! :)

Peace

2007-01-05T00:52:00.000+08:00

In this world, there is no peace. So stop wishing for it.

Peace is such an exclusive word and it blesses only those who knows its true meaning. Everyone else who doesn't, goes around in search for it but only result in trespassing its boundary.

Even peace must be battled for. Won over. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work this way.

Everyone has a different understanding of peace and they strive to get it.

That's when there's no more peace.
Unless you are given it, for free.
A peace that surpasses all.

让天铭送你入“冻房”

2006-12-23T22:29:00.000+08:00

灵聪：“.......经过垃圾槽，很臭！”

天铭：“垃圾吵（槽），　“很臭”？　叫垃圾安静啦！”

灵聪: ...

Wedding Dinner

2006-12-22T00:34:00.000+08:00

Back from relative's wedding dinner.

Everytime I attend a wedding dinner, I can't help but picture myself in the bridegroom's shoes and wonder when it's going to be my turn.

Greatest Foe

2006-12-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

It's become increasingly difficult to accept yourself as your greatest foe.

With each passing day, just when you think you're starting to know yourself a little better.
And you're doing more of what you should.
Then you let your guard down.
Pride comes in your way.

There you go. You've become your own hindrance again.

So understanding yourself thoroughly is no easy task.
You know what you want (which is bad), yet you deny yourself from having it.

Sometimes, it's not that simple.

People in your life

2006-12-02T23:27:00.000+08:00

As much as everyone who comes into your life has a role to play,
I'm just glad that JC life's coming to an end.

There's just some people you never wish to see again,
and only hope to chuck them away into a remote corner of your memory.

Enough is enough.
Enough of struggling with my past.
Not that you've done anything wrong,
But abstinence is bliss. (from your face)
Evasion is insufficient.
Life goes on,
but I'm not sure whether I've learnt how to deal with you.

Goodbye, I don't care.
Lesson learnt and may we never meet again.
I just don't know how to deal with you and
I can't handle the struggle.

Move on.
Next challenge please.

This passion

2006-11-30T19:36:00.000+08:00

Days: 27-30th Nov

No. of hours spent stargazing: 2-3hours

New entire constellations identified: Cancer, Monoceros, Perseus, Pegasus, Andromeda, Crater, Ursa Major

New objects identified in superb detail through a x10 binoc: M41, *Beehive Cluster*, M35, Perseus double cluster, NGC2169, M46, M47

Best of it all: Beehive Cluster. Even through a x10 binoc, the neat formation of "bees" can be seen at an amazing clarity and brightness. A must see for all!

Friends

2006-11-23T02:31:00.000+08:00

Friends laugh and enjoy good times together.

But the best of friends will be at ease with each other's presence even in silence.

LOTD (lesson of the day)

2006-11-19T23:49:00.000+08:00

If someone pays for your meal and you can't reject the offer,
Pass on the deed.

Treat the young ones when you start to earn money, like how you were being treated.

Taken from a poem

2006-11-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

" Oh heart, are you great enough for love? For a love that will never cease? "

Learning to take up the role of a parent

2006-11-16T21:39:00.000+08:00

starts best from being a child.

No parent is perfect, so its best to try to learn from their mistakes.

The best way to make your child grow up is to treat him like an adult.

True Beauty

2006-11-08T12:04:00.000+08:00

Pretty girls are not.
True beauty, only the husband knows.
Flesh, heralded as hot,
Serve to feed, hungry eyes of those sort.

Where lust pervades,
My eyes know no safety.
As beauty is fleeting,
so my eyes escape.

Lengthen your skirts,
And my eyes will turn to you.
Bare not your shoulders,
And I will admire you.

Do not set traps,
And entice young men.
Wrap up nicely,
And I will rejoice and receive,
What a beautiful gift of marriage.

Meaningless.

2006-11-06T17:30:00.000+08:00

I've lived for 18 years,
And too found a grievous evil.

A man toils and sweats
Joy and misery.
But he has to swallow his fruits of labour in heaps,
Dry his own blood and sweat,
With no one to share.

This too is meaningless,
A chasing after the wind.